What Makes a Jew?

My friend, Tamar is getting married this December to Marcus, an American who lives in Everett, Washington. She told me that when her friends find out that she is getting married, their first question is, "Is he Jewish?" Even if they are not religious, the answer is important to them. One evening, she and I took a taxi to a doctor's appointment that was required for her visa processing. In discussing where we were going and why, the taxi driver found out that she was getting married and, guess what question he asked next - "Is he Jewish?" She turned to me with a "See, I told you!" expression and told the driver that no, her fiance is American. "Why you not marry an Israeli?" he demanded. "Israeli men not good enough for you?" And they went at it with him firing accusations and predictions and her defending and explaining her choice.

She asked him if he was religious and since he wasn't, why did he care about keeping the Jewish race pure and contained among the Jews. He said they were a threatened and diminishing race with everyone trying to wipe them off the face of the earth.

He said that Jewish men would never think of marrying non-Jewish women, but all the Jewish women were trying to marry American men for their money and so they can move to America. She told him not to generalize - that may be them, but this is her and she is marrying the man that she is in love with.

He said that her kids would not be Jewish but that they would become American because they would be in American schools and around American kids. She said that family history and tradition was important to both her and Marcus and that they would observe the holidays and teach the Jewish histories and traditions. He said it didn't matter, the kids would still be American.

I was confused because isn't Israel a nation of immigrants - Russian Jew, Ethiopian Jew, European Jew, American Jew - with very few Israel born citizens? How then does cultural mentality define a Jew if they come to Israel with the cultural mentality of their own country? It was interesting to hear how this man's definition of a Jew wasn't that he was descended from Abraham but that he had the tough, survival mentality of someone living in Israel. Then was not the time for Tamar to explain that all children of God are true children of Abraham. You could understand the national pride that he was trying to preserve, but, ironically, if Marcus had been an American Jew who was an American culturally but had Jewish blood in his viens, this man would not have objected. It seems to me that the better question would be whether her fiance is Israeli not whether he is a Jew.

Also interesting in this conversation was my chance to watch the Israeli mentality that this man was arguing for at work. Israelis have very tough skin. They are warm and hospitable, but they say exactly what they think and don't waste time with false friendliness or social politeness. They put all their issues out on the table and argue passionately, but they seem to move on after the argument without holding grudges. After arguing the whole way there, this taxi driver smiled and shook our hands, showed us just where the clinic was, and gave Tamar his card if she ever needed to call a taxi in the area again. That was a taxi ride I will never forget.